"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
