I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
