I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize