I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
