So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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