I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
