can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
