I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
