I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i will never coherently bang her
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
