I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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