I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
