The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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