i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
