I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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