You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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