Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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