What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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