i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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