Having a random hookup so left but love u
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
