your thong is hanging out like whoa
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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