so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
