The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
