He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
