That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize