The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the day after is always just damage control
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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