my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We got so high we made milksteak
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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