i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
