Betty ford says i'm here all night
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
