I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
