Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
