Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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