It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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