U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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