she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
