Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
