I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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