He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
