Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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