He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
