I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize