Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
