the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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