I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
