dude i'm inner monologue high
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
