definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
