I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My hand turned me down
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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