i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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