is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize