i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
