sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
