My room smells like vodka and shame
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
