shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
