this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I touched a dick in church today
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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