You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
