drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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