She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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