Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
