you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
