my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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