i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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