Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
