i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
never play flip cup with pint glasses
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize