Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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