last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
