im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
They have beer where we have blood.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
