Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
whose parrot is this?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
