weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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