your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The adults are the big ones right?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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