We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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