While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
