Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize