do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
