I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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