I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
