That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
