remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
