Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
