I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
we should paint friendship bongs
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
