wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
