I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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