Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
whose parrot is this?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
