even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
