I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
