I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
