I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
