My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
