My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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