I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
