It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it glows. i had to have it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
