It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
