do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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