note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
