I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize