You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
