dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
