I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
