Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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