i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
