So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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