If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My cat gives me a boner
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
