that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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