apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize