Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
