if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
