somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
