i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
