Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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