Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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