You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
