You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
