In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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