Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
