The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
